He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
