his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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