hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
