Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
