i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
