i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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