Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
