you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
