Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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