i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize