How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Farmville is her only friend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
