I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
