nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
