they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
