no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When did angry sex become our thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
