Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
why is half of my head shaved?
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