I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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