I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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