you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
