You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
