Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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