i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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