i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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