i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
