I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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