9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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