Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's always time for handjobs
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
