Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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