my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
