I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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