Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
