Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
