If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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