I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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