I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
