I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
