DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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