Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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