Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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