Acid is not a monday night drug
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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