I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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