I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
