i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
