I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
