Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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