Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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