i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
