I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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