"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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