this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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