they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
