K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Shame is for Republicans.
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