I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
