Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
