Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
