I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
