Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
