I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
