Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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