White coat. Heels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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