let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
