just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
