how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
