would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
