He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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