i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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