My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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