Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
