I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
