now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES