tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.