So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?