Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?