He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
