I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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