Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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