grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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