I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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