My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
